It Doesn’t Matter How Many Times You Fail

It’s hard, believe me I know it is hard. It’s so hard to keep up a healthy lifestyle. Why is being sedentary and eating all the bad food SO easy?!? Why is it so hard to find the time to exercise and to make myself eat things that are actually good for my body? I love pretty much all fruits and veggies but why does chocolate and ice cream and cookies have to taste so darn good? This is my struggle right now and I am sharing it with you so that I have someone to make me accountable. I started this blog so that I could talk about what is going on in my brain. What I have dealt with and what I currently am dealing with and everything in between.

My little girl used to get up around 7 in the morning and once she started sleeping through the night this was great. I would get up at 6:30 and get a 20-30 minute  workout in before she woke up. It was working so well. Then she decided to get up at 5:44 on the dot. Every. Single. Day. Not exaggerating here. Every morning when I would hear her cry out I would hit my phone to see the time and it would said 5:44 exactly. This went on for probably a month and I thought I might die. I was so tired. And I went for days without working out. I tried doing it while she was awake but that didn’t work. She just wanted me to hold her or would crawl on me or was grabbing at my weights. And more mornings that not I found myself getting showered without every getting a bit of a workout in. This just wasn’t working for me.

I decided to change the way I was thinking though and figure out a way to make my new super early mornings productive and find a way to get my sweat on in spite of Olivia being up. So walks became my activity of choice. I would load her in the stroller between 6:15-6:30 in the morning, armed with a bottle of milk, a sippy cup and some graham crackers. We would head out for 30-60 minutes depending on how far from home I wandered. (Don’t you hate when you walk a long ways and then realize you have to walk ALL the way back?!)

This new schedule was working great for me but after a couple of weeks I started getting a little tired of it. I love going on walks and that time of that morning is awesome. No traffic yet so it is still peaceful. The air was cool and it was great watching the sun rise up over the mountains. But I was needing something a little more.

I was sharing my body frustrations with my mom because lately I have also been struggle with the new me. The “I had a baby 14 months ago and haven’t had a hard workout since” body. She is great, like amazing. If you don’t know my mom you are really missing out. But she suggested that I workout when Olivia goes to bed. I am lucky and her bedtime is usually between 6-6:30 but I am also usually starving by the time she goes down. So I decided to change my schedule again and see how it worked.

So I made sure I got a snack late afternoon, changed into my workout clothes before I put her to bed and once she was in bed I didn’t let anything distract me. It felt good to work up a sweat and I found it helped relieve stress on the “it’s been a month and baby is STILL working on breaking 4 molars all the way through” days. It was early enough in the evening that it didn’t affect my sleep at all and I have found it has actually made me more productive in the evenings. I haven’t done it every day but a handful of times the past two weeks and it’s been nice. We still go on walks most mornings but I look forward to my little time to sweat it out in the evening.

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The past 14 months have been all about changes. I have a hard time with change and have had them thrown at me left and right and sometimes from both directions at once. But I am stronger this year because of it. I have learned that I can do really hard things. That even though I might “fail” in my own mind that I can pick up the pieces and try again. That I am strong and smart and capable and I can make things happen. I wouldn’t trade this new life for anything and although I know that I will keep struggling, that I will figure it out just in time for it to all change again, but I know that I can roll with the punches. I can make it work. I can figure out new ways to be happy and healthy when the old ones just aren’t an option. Because by darn I am going to find the confidence in myself that I so desperately want so that my little girl never has to struggle the way that I have. That she will always see how brave and strong she is. That she will be so strong that what the world throws at her won’t even phase her because she will have confidence in herself and her body. Because honestly, that is the thing that matters the most to me. That is when I will truly know that I have succeeded.

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