Will It Always Be A Fight?

I have been feeling pretty defeated today. I feel like nothing is going right. My little girl has had a cold for a few days and just wants to cry all day long. I feel so bad for her and am doing everything I possibly can to make her feel better but not much helps. She was SO tired so I put her down for a nap and she should have gone right to sleep…yet she is still in there awake an hour later. I mentally just can’t get her up and deal with a sick baby who has been awake from nap one since 9:45 this morning and try to keep her happy till bedtime.

Then I found out that wordpress hasn’t been posting any of my posts to Facebook. How nice of them. I think that problem is fixed now.

I have written previously about all of the major changes in my life over the past 2.5 years. Change is hard and I often struggle with it and these past 2+ weeks have been so full of change. Good change but it is still hard. We shopped for and bought a house. We left our apartment and our ward and lots of friends there. Rob and I both struggle to make friends and I felt like I was just starting to get some good ones and it was hard to leave them. We are trying to get settled in our new house and new surroundings and new ward and it is all great, but still hard. Rob moved warehouses with Costco and he is closer to home but still a change to get used to. I started working from home as a consultant for Usborne books and things started out great for me, I was able to contribute a tiny bit to our income and that was great. But the last 6 weeks have been rough and I feel like I am trying so hard to book parties to help my family out but just getting a bunch of no’s. I was so excited to find something to do from home to help my family but have been getting a little discouraged.

Usually it’s my eating that suffers. I haven’t been happy with my eating choices, which really weren’t all that bad, just a little worse than I usually do. I think I have been stress and emotional eating a little more than normal. So that makes me not happy with myself. I started thinking, will this ever get easier? Why does life seriously have to be so challenging sometimes? I have so many friends and family members that are dealing with hard things and I sometimes wonder if any of us will catch a break?

So I forced myself to think of good things today. I have a beautiful daughter who is growing and learning and is my pride and joy. I have a healthy body that may not look exactly like I want it to but it is healthy and for the most part let’s me do what I want. I have a great husband that works SO hard to provide for us and because of that we were able to buy a little house to make our home. I have what I need. I have an amazing family and married in to an incredible one and have so many people to love and be loved by. I live in a beautiful area and can go on walks every morning alongside fields and away from the busyness of the city and that is heaven to me. I realized I am so so lucky. And I am working on changing my thinking and finding something good in every hard thing or change that comes my way.

It’s so easy to get drug down, I feel like it’s harder to stay positive and that just isn’t fair sometimes. But I am going to keep working at it. If life is going to have it’s challenges, and I know it will, then why not go into those with a happy attitude? Why not keep fighting to be where I want to. It’s a process and I have come so far so why would I want to give up now? And I am going to work really hard to just let things go, all of the things from my past that I have help on to. All of the negativity in my brain and the self doubt I am just letting it go. I am not waiting for the new year, I am making those resolutions now!

I was trying everything to keep Olivia happy this afternoon and I had the though to put on music. This little girl was born with music in her soul and she is ALWAYS dancing and it is adorable. I think she is like me and music just speaks to her. Music can always lift my spirits. So I sat with her on my lap in front of the computer and turned on the Piano Guys. And the first song on the list was a mashup of Amazing Grace and Fight Song. Super weird combination I thought the first time I saw it but read at the end about why they chose those two songs, makes so much sense. Olivia sat on my lap, with a smile and danced and in that moment I was so grateful and the song just spoke to me and I cried. I can keep fighting.

And I know it is probably super cliche put seriously just let it go. That is what I am working on. This song popped up next and I decided these two songs will be my theme songs for the next little while! Ever have a song that just speaks to you? I definitely do…here is to great changes and more positivity!

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2 thoughts on “Will It Always Be A Fight?

  1. Megan A says:

    I’ll share with you a little thought I had. I was talking to my elderly woman friend. (I call her my Utah grandma) and she said that she would love to sing in the ward choir but her throat is so scratchy that she can’t sing anymore without coughing badly. It’s especially hard for her because she married a musician and loves music. I also realized how much she loves service but her body holds hey back. Later on, I was cleaning at the temple late at night and it was 2 hours of shoving this heavy vacuum around. And I had a thought come to me. “You can do this because you have a strong body.” I don’t have a bad back or weak bones or arthritis, or anything else really. And I can use my strong body to do great things. Our bodies are so much more than our (sometimes strong) desire to look bikini ready. And if we put good things in our body and follow the Word of Wisdom (which is so much more than no coffee, tea or tobacco) we will have our strong bodies to do more than if we hadn’t. Finding out how to use our bodies to the fullest is one of the lessons we’re supposed to learn on this earth. And you’re doing a great job, Jamie. There’s a talk by a Gen Authority with the last name Lawrence that talked about praying about the next thing you’re supposed to do. Well for me the answer was pretty simple “Easy better food.” Still working on it. It’s harder than it sounds. But a very good next step to tackle. I’m very much enjoying your blog. Keep it up! Everyone has dark days. But you’ll overcome them. You’re just that fantastic kind of person. You’ll do well at whatever you try and you always do your best.

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    • Thank you, thank you, thank you for that. Just what I needed to hear today. It’s true, we just need to focus on how amazing our bodies are and the things we are able to do. It really is pretty incredible. And than you for your nice words. I didn’t expect anyone to ever read this but knowing you do and enjoy it gives me a little more motivation to keep it up. You are the sweetest and I miss seeing you!

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